yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
