Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
