i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My life is pants optional.
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