WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
