I wish I could teleport
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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