So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
