i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
