u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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