I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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