Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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