Swine flu. Run for my life!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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