She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
