I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
