Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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