Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
