I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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