Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Non-Jews are for practice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
