i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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