That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
