Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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