If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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