It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
