Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
