2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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