Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
