umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
