Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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