he wants to bone in the snuggie
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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