i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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