He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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