Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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