You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
