he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
