cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
