I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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