When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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