Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
