her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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