Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
