Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
