After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
