sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
