if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
