apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the day after is always just damage control
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
