Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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