I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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