Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
