He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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