Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
