Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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