There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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