She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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