So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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