are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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