giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
