Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
third nipple confirmed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
