We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
