One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize