We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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