don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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