Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
