im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
