and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
