People in love make me want to vomit
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
