Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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