ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
